еще не все

Driving and traffic in Bangalore prove to be everything they were billed to be -- and then some. But after the first couple of days some kind of system started shaping up in the chaos. First, there are traffic rules. All three of them are spelled out very clearly, ornate and in bright colors on every truck's tailgate. Here they are:

1. Blow Horn
2. Use Dipper at Night
3. Keep Distance 5 Feet

• pass another car: plus 10 points
• let another car pass you: minus 50 points
• leave enough room for a two-wheeler to pull beside you: -5 points
• leave enough room for a two-wheeler to pull in front of you: -10 points
• let a pedestrian cross in front of you: -20 points
• make a pedestrian run to evade you: +20 points
• make a pedestrian jump backwards out of your way: +100 points

The game is played on several difficulty levels with opportunities to score coming at rates from five to 20 per minute. Potholes, deviations, obstacles and other distractions are thrown at you at double that rate. The winning strategy is to stay between the lanes so that (a) you can jump into any lane that moves one meter ahead, and (b) the car behind you can't do the same. (Lanes are hardly even a suggestion, and they seem to be designed that way: they appear and disappear at random, sometimes quite abruptly, pushing you onto the shoulder, sidewalk or guard rail where they exist, or simply into a wall.) The car behind you will try to wedge in between you and the car beside you, which you have to counter by blowing horn and moving towards him threateningly. (Anything that you do while blowing horn is legal.) Another useful tactic is to position your car at an angle when traffic comes to a stop -- i.e. pretty much always. This way you take maximum space and make it harder for two-wheelers to squeeze around you -- which they will do anyway. Also this way when you start moving again you have the best chance to move into someone's path.

Once you understand the game it is seriously addictive. Some long-forgotten reflexes in me woke up and I soon found myself scanning the traffic ahead for any gaps or trends leading to a possibility of a gap forming. It's not easy -- I was able to analyze maybe three cars ahead, pros can do 5-7, real grossmeisters perhaps more than ten.

Anyone exposed to this kind of driving ought to be quarantined upon entry to the US and banned from driving for at least a week. After that driving can be gradually resumed, but taking at least one ride with a safety driver is encouraged. Re-taking DMV test may be prescribed depending on the length of exposure.

P.S.: After reading this, few people thought that I drove myself in India. I did not, I would not and I will not.